Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
