I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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