I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
