If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize