I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
