a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
