I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize