We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
40s are totally the cure
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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