It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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