At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
