glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
