I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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