Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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