Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
