I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
