I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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