He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
