I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
