I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
