Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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