cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
