so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
