is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
