Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
