Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
did i walk over a car last night?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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