I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
