So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize