What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
