You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we're making bets on your personal life
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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