i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
