Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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