Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
