I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
