i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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