I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
