Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
