I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
