hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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