yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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