no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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