It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Vodka?
Forever.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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