she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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