im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
