Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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