i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
