when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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