hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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