put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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