She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
