Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
