Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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