Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
