So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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