watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
