i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
