Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Someone shattered a urinal.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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