I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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