idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
