We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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