Umm I'm too high to move.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
