just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
