god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize