oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
