i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
