I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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