I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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