No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
