College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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