ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
