Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
