We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
