you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
