I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
