tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
