somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize