Nicole vs. Life
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
