that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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