i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
